The First Results Show Produces Some Surprises

So I know what you guys are thinking. Angela missed the first results show of the season? Well, I had a good excuse—or at least I think it was a good one (I’ll let you guys judge for yourself a little later).

But you guys count on my minute-by-minute recaps, so I don’t want to let you down. So here it is, only without the actual minutes so I could fast-forward through the commercials…

Dramatic taped intro…Why can’t Randy keep his mouth shut during Ryan’s “THIS” intro?...Judges intro…Ryan asks Simon about him being more harsh than usual last night. I didn’t think he was and neither did Simon…Kara’s husband is in the audience. He’s hotter than Casey…

Group song. “American Boy”…Seriously? This early with the group numbers?...Those are the fakest vocals I have ever heard. And some of them need some serious lipsynching lessons…Crystal looks so over it, which just makes me love her more…Seriously. What is the point?...Break…

Girls first…Lights down…Back row stands…Siobhan…Safe…Haeley…Safe…

Michelle…Safe…Katelyn…Safe…That leaves Katie and Janell. One of them is going home. It’s surely Janell, isn’t it?...And it is. Janell is going home…I’m a little surprised. I thought she could go pretty far…She does “Alone” again…It’s better this time…Break…

We’re back…Allison Iraheta comes down the steps from behind the girls to sing “Scars.” This is a good song that I hope does well for her…That was a great performance except for the jerky movements she kept making…And she’s as bad at interviews as ever…

Lights down…Bottom row of girls stands…Paige stands…Does that mean she actually made it through?...Safe. I’m stunned. I was sure she was gone…Lacey…She seems sure it’s over…She’s safe…So who is going?...Lilly…She’s almost in tears…Safe…It’s got to be Ashley who’s gone, right?...If it’s Crystal, I’m going to have a fit…Safe. Phew…Ashley and Didi are left and go to center stage…I hope it’s not Didi…Didi…safe. Yea!...Ashley is out…So I got one right…

Ashley is handling it pretty well. But I think there’s an undertone of anger there too…Ashley’s giving it all she’s got. She’s clearly trying to impress someone, but I think the chorus is shakier tonight than it was Tuesday…And who was she pointing that angry finger at while singing “happy”?...Break…

We’re back…Ryan shows tape of Tyler at rehearsal in his boots and robe…He thought he was going to wardrobe before rehearsal…

Lights down…Back row of guys stands…Big Mike…Safe…John…Safe. Hmmm…Aaron…I’m guessing Tim is the guy who’s going home in this row…Aaron is safe…Todrick…Safe…Tim and Joe…

It absolutely should be Tim…Tim…SAFE?!...He’s in COMPLETE shock. The cameras keep showing him shaking his head…That was wrong, America. Joe did not deserve to go. His performance was actually good Tuesday…And it’s really good tonight…Break…

We’re back…Ryan announces “Idol Gives Back” and its sponsors…Ryan brings in Kris to talk about Haiti…You can download Kris’ performance from iTunes tonight and 100% of the proceeds will go to benefit Haiti…Ryan tells all the other ways you can donate…Kris does “Let It Be” with video of Haiti behind him…It’s just Kris and a piano and his guitar…Oh yeah. I’m downloading this one…HOW AWESOME WAS THAT? Holy cow!...I don’t know who’s directing this stuff though because the lights coming up was incredibly awkward. There needed to be a pause there…Break…

We’re back…Lights down…Front row of guys stands…Casey…Safe…Jermaine…He seems quite worried…Safe. Uh-oh. There’s a surprise coming…

Lee…Safe…Andrew…Safe. Phew…That leaves Tyler and Alex. As creepy as Tyler was, I gotta believe it’s Alex…Tyler and Alex come to center stage…Simon thinks Tyler is leaving…Alex is safe and he’s in shock…Tyler is going home and Casey is shocked…Ryan asks what his misstep was and Tyler says that he didn’t get enough constructive criticism during Hollywood Week and what they did say was “too late”…Simon rolls his eyes…Yeah, that’s the way to go out, Tyler. Throw the judges under the bus…

Video of journey of people leaving…I don’t know the song…Tyler takes the stage…He gets cut off as we’re out…

Final thoughts in a moment…