Oh the horror...

9:40 We’re back…Brad Garrett is sitting in Simon’s seat…Bette Midler takes the stage to do “Wind Beneath My Wings.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This is worse than any of the “Idol” singles. Is that why Simon wasn’t in his seat? If it is, I’m right there with you, Simon…Just in case we don’t get it, Bette flaps her arms for us...Maybe I’ll see what’s happening on “Lost.” There’s a bunch of people I don’t recognize, so I guess I’ll go back…Randy and Paula are slow dancing together…Now Randy is flapping Paula’s arms. I think we call that sarcasm…And now Bette flaps her arms some more…And Jerry Springer’s crying. WHAT?! There was nothing sad about that—except that we were forced to watch it…Break…